


Words Are Difficult To Come By

by kristsune



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Confessions of love, Cuddles, Hugs, M/M, its all so soft, or well as much as one who doesnt use words well can, spoilers for 178
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:34:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27884578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kristsune/pseuds/kristsune
Summary: Barnes attempts to tell Carter how he feels, luckily Carter understands him a little bit better now.
Relationships: Commander James Barnes/Howard Carter (Rusty Quill Gaming)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 37





	Words Are Difficult To Come By

**Author's Note:**

> Look. I love them. Is there really anything else that I need to say? All aboard the SS Carnes and Barter, picking up new passengers every day!

“I like it.”

Carter hummed as he looked up to Barnes from where he was sharpening one of his (numerous) knives. “What do you like?”

Barnes gestured vaguely towards Carter’s head, “The new look, the - the hair.”

Carter’s smile was as bright as his new hair, “Yeah? You do?” 

Barnes felt his cheeks flush slightly, “Yeah, it’s… nice.” 

He watched Carter preen despite the less than stellar compliment. Barnes had never been great with words, especially when emotions, and feelings were involved. And Barnes had been feeling… a wide variety of emotions since Carter’s death and resurrection. 

They had talked a little bit since Carter woke up (after he rested for quite some time of course). He told Barnes a little of what he had experienced, which made Barnes feel such guilt for never attempting to talk to Carter earlier. And he  _ did _ make an attempt after that, as much as his stilted words allowed him. Attempted to tell him that he cared for him, that he had for quite some time, but wasn’t sure if it was returned, so just… didn’t say anything at all. Attempted to tell him some level of the grief he felt when he thought Carter was gone forever, and of the hope he felt when he found out about the possibility of resurrection. Barnes couldn’t even look at Carter when he told him how he asked Azu to retrieve him, to give him his choice. How he couldn’t bring himself to try for fear of losing him forever, and it being his fault. 

Carter had just smiled lopsidedly, and told him it was alright, Azu did a fine job, and he was here, and that was what mattered. They had hugged and then Carter was still tired, so Barnes had watched him sleep for a while (curled up tight, as he should be) before laying down gently next to him and drifting off himself. 

Their current conversation, which started for Barnes after having a few awkward moments upon waking up with Carter’s hand twined with his, and Barnes’ free hand resting along Carter’s hip. Barnes had awoken before Carter (per usual) and quietly detangled himself, though the soft sounds of protest from Carter made it difficult to pull away, but he eventually managed. 

Now Barnes just wanted that back, that gentle contact, that reminder that Carter is not just a figment of his imagination, that he’s really here, and not going away. Before Barnes even realized what he was doing his hand was already reaching towards Carter’s hair, slow enough that Carter could move away or intercept or do anything to stop him, but he didn’t. Carter just watched as Barnes leaned in, and ran his hand through his hair. 

As Carter sighed, and leaned into the touch, Barnes imagined his hair felt softer than it had previous, not that he had much experience with it, but still. Barnes repeated the motion, watching Carter’s eyes flutter. He slowly just started to list towards Barnes, and Barnes just wrapped his arm around his shoulders, pulling him the rest of the way. It was a bit of an awkward position, but it was comfortable enough, and it was honestly just nice being this close together. 

“I-” Barnes started, but had to take a breath before continuing, “I’m sorry I’m so shit with words, but… but I’m glad you’re back, Howard, and - and if there was - if you wanted, I’d like - we could-”

“Yes, James. I’d like that.” Carter replied easily, pressing closer, wrapping his long arms around Barnes, forcing him to lean back against the side of the small sofa they were sat on. Barnes smiled at hearing Carter use his first name, it felt.. special, intimate in a way that it didn’t feel when anyone else used it. Barnes left a gentle kiss in his new soft white hair as he curled in close. Barnes was glad Carter understood what he had been trying to say. Words were hard, but loving Carter was anything but. 

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to stop by and say hello over on [ twitter](https://twitter.com/Kristsune) or [tumblr!](https://kristsune.tumblr.com/)


End file.
